Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
