I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
