So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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