did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
