Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I love you. Go after that dick
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
