Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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