she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
