some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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