If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
