She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
