i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
