I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
