Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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