I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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