there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
