I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
