On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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