you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
