I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
