that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
