the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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