Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
