and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
