If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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