Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
