if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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