I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
