What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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