Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
