it's like iHOP with fire
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
