you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
