I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
