We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
