The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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