i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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