I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
