Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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