Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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