mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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