my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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