Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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