u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
MIDGETS
????
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
