i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
