We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
