we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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