Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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