She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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