Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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