he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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