took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
