ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
