he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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